Quick Tip: DIG-check Messages Before Sending

Most of us have come to rely on spell-check, but how often do we stop and check our messages for digs? You know what I mean, the messages that have hints of sarcasm, I-told-you-so, not-my-fault, see-what-I-mean or "I'm copying everyone else, because they're on my side."

If you're upset with someone or replying to a string of angry e-mails, before hitting the "send" button, try one of these options:

EDIT: Have an uninvolved bystander read your message. Usually, third parties can see how your message, however well-intended, may be received on the other end. Edit out digs before sending.

K.I.S.S.: That old cliche of keeping it simple still holds true. When in doubt, leave it out. State the main points. Delete the digs, even if you think it sounds nice. If you mean something else, most likely they'll "get it." So drop it.

BUY TIME: Instead of an emotional reply, simply acknowledge the other person's feelings and ask to set up a phone or in-person conversation. Give yourself time to compose your thoughts. For example, instead of blasting back with:

"Even though the rest of us clearly understood that the meeting time was changed to tomorrow morning..."

Instead try: "It was an unfortunate mixup. Let's talk about it this afternoon."

ONE-TO-ONE: It's tempting to bring new people into the conversation to gain support for your cause. Usually, this just inflames the person with whom you're having a conflict. If you need a mediator, ask the other person to meet with you and a third party to help you resolve your differences. Multiparty emails, texts and letters can escalate out of control. Even worse, private messages can become more public than anyone intended if you're not careful.

DRAFT: Sometimes you feel compelled to respond immediately. Go ahead and type your thoughts out but don't send them yet. Then, put them in a draft folder and give it a rest. You may edit it later or just forget about it after you've cooled down.

Most importantly, cut yourself some slack. Conflicts can't always be avoided but if you remember to pause and check for digs, you may be surprised at the positive results.

~ Kate Otting (c) 2009

Welcome

Interaction Management Associates welcomes you to our site. The goal is engage in conversations around pivotal moments, those interactions that teach us something new about communication and conflict.

By improving the way we communicate, we may mitigate conflicts -- big and small -- that get in the way of enjoying life to its fullest. The goal here is not to discover an earth-shattering solution to world peace, but rather, to start a ripple effect. I believe we have a lot to learn learn from and teach to one another. We all stand to gain from every tiny shift in our interactions that contribute to improved communications in our homes, communities, workplaces and -- yes -- the world.

Managing conflicts is a bit like recycling. It has to start at home and one person at a time in order to make a difference. By dialoging about ways in which we can all create a more peaceful workplace, home and community, I believe we will expand our combined efforts.

The words have been repeated many times, but Ghandi's phrase has had that rippling-effect: "Be the change you want to see in the world."

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