Honest Dude

Thief by The Blackbird

A couple weeks ago my teenage son lost his wallet. It was his first nice one, leather, with his favorite football team's insignia on it, purchased himself. It contained $60 of his hard-earned money and a brand new driver’s permit. He left it at a convenience store, where he and some friends replenished electrolytes after football practice. My first response was, “Bummer. Tough lesson, kiddo.”

My reaction is shaped by generally-held common sense. Most of us believe that when a billfold is loaded with cash, there is little incentive for someone to turn it in. What fool would believe that they can leave a wallet on a table in a public place and expect to get it back? I envisioned the empty wallet lying in an empty lot, miles from the original location and a thief relishing in glory, enjoying the loot.

Then, I recalled a conversation I recently had with a mediator colleague about honesty. We agreed that, despite media images and police warnings, in most cases, people do the right thing. In our experience, people choose to be honest. They tell the truth in mediation, even if the other party doubts the honesty or can prove that what is said has missing or erroneous facts. Often, it’s a matter of perception. I find that when given the opportunity, most people want to make things right. Most people do not want to live with conflict, mistrust and deceit. I believe this is why most mediation cases result in agreement. For example, 85% of community mediation cases reach agreement, according to the National Association for Community Mediation. Mediation works. That's how I maintain my faith in the process of assisting the negotiation of opposing parties. During nearly every session, new opportunities emerge and people begin to see the conflicts from new angles.

So, keeping those experiences in mind, I talked my son into going back to the store with me to check if his wallet was there. We drove into the parking lot and he looked at the table where he’d been sitting. Disappointed that he didn’t see his wallet, he returned to the car immediately. I encouraged him to go inside the shop and ask. The man behind the counter opened a drawer, which was full of wallets and said, “Is it one of these?” Indeed, he found it, completely intact. The clerk said, “At least there is one honest dude out there!”

I am not suggesting that I will throw caution to the wind altogether, but in that instant my faith in the general goodness of humanity was instantly reaffirmed.

Great lesson, Dude!